seananmcguire:

ys19:

“There’s millions of Tumblr users” to you. To me There’s only about 12 and we all reblog the same five posts from each other

Occasionally someone will bring a new post into the ecosystem, and those days are VERY exciting. ENRICHMENT!

(via patrik-star)

feels like I only log on here when I can’t take the thoughts in my head anymore… but its nice to just write how I feel without needing someone to vent to…

lately shits been tough not going to lie. Im having trouble sleeping again. staying up late thinking about everything that has happened in a year. such a short time but so much has changed, and I hate it.

I miss the way things used to be. I would give anything to have my best friend back, and a close friend from home. I wish I talked to both of them more. I lost my best friend forever, not that they passed but shit some days it sure feels like that. The other, I hope he doesn’t leave completely , although I wouldn’t blame him, Im not great at being a friend.

Lately I find myself struggling to see the good in all of this… when does it stop hurting everyday, when will I finally feel the slightest bit of comfort.

I rarely do things that bring me joy anymore, maybe thats part of the issue.

I know for sure one thing that is bugging me the most is how I cant stop thinking that it’s going to be one year since we last talked, and I still spend every night wishing you would just call. I know now that I was wrong, I would take blame for everything if I could just see you one last time. for closure, I want to be able to sleep at night.

Feeling your heart break while it’s still beating is truly the lowest lows.

Everyone who I have ever trusted has hurt me in ways I am still recovering from.

I lost myself. Please be patient with me as I learn who I am.

anxietyproblem:

why do I always find myself in some sort of self destructive tendencies

anxietyproblem:

everyday I hate who I’m becoming more and more like I some days I can’t even recognize myself.

Drove by your house for the first time in a long time…

I was doing so well and I had not been thinking about you at all.

But once I drove by I couldn’t help but stare at your apartment and pretend like I was about to go knock and say hello. I completely forgot that its been MONTHS since we’ve talked.. 7 to be exact. I started thinking about you so much to the point where I couldn’t sleep. To where I started texting you but never hitting send. To where here I am again talking on the internet like anyone cares.

I miss you so much Rylee. I truly wish things were different

this was probably the shittiest spring break I’ve ever had.

I never do anything but the one thing I wanted to do was sit back and enjoy a few hours of just being able to play my xbox without worrying about anything else.

I didn’t even get a chance to do that because my parents make me do everything, and on top of that I had an exam due.

sounds like im a child, even as a full grown adult, ill always be treated like a child.

honestly, life is so fucking frustrating.

its so annoying to see how my parents encourage others to go out and see the world, support others if they say they are moving out of their parents’ house, or if they encourage others to get jobs outside of the small town where were from.

yet when it comes to me, its always when are you moving back. when are you going to get a job around here.

like I DONT WANT TO FUCKING BE HERE.

I hate seeing people with no college education get high paying jobs just because of nepotism, I hate sitting around watching alcoholism slowly get the best of my father. And worst of all, I how much Ive always felt like I dont belong.

I just dont understand why I never receive the same support. My dad and uncle both moved out and far away when they were younger than I currently am. Yet, when I even try the mention the idea of getting a career elsewhere, all of a sudden Im the worst person.

over it honestly.

I said I didn’t want to go into the new year thinking about you anymore. I’ve been proud of myself lately, since the last post about you I’ve maybe only thought about two times. Then it all comes back. Last night I had a dream I texted you and it was like we never stopped talking. Everything was different, we actually were hanging, and it was like everything was how it was. I can’t lie, a part of me thinks it’s a sign to reach out. But I know dreams aren’t real, that won’t happen in real life. So for now, I’ll try and rid you of my subconscious.
gbye friend.

its 2023 and im still having 2010 problems.